I have been unemployed (UE) for 3 months. Three long, season changing months. I only have enough money left for June & July's bills, then I'm broke. I don't know how to fix this. I am desperate, I am overwhelmed, I am scared beyond anything I've ever known.
I do not have a gun pointed at me, I have never been mugged, beaten, or raped; but I'm no less terrified. My home is my nest egg, my home is my home and I.am.terrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrified.of.losing.it. How can I not be able to find a job?? How is this possible in the "Greatest Nation on Earth?"
I know there are those worse off, whether from even a longer UE period or some other tragedy. I am empathetic, but this is my story. I don't feel that I am going to have a happy ending and, again, I am terrified.
My fear is crippling, I have thoughts I can't even put to (paper) blog, they are dark, desperate, and completely irrational and stupid. But I have them, none the less.
I rack my brain for what I can do to tie me over, or thru, or into my own independence......but eureka moments are not born of fear, are they?
Colleagues ask: "Why don't you consult?" I'll consult, I'll consult to consult, are you kidding??? Consultant work is less available than full-time regular hire work in this market. I've signed up w/ an industry specialty firm that deals only with proposal/marketing work. They've never called me except to verify my information. I'm registered with no less than 5 placement/temp agencies and I only ever hear from 2 of them and every lead they've presented has been a losing proposition!
I have my small dog t-shirt idea and a great name for the label, but I can't clear the anxiety cobwebs enough to think of 1/2 of the sayings/idioms/puns I've thought of over the years; and I had some good ones. Also, isn't that so done already??? I don't have the financial freedom to chase a dream or even a franchise. 51 years old and this is my legacy, this is my life, this is why I'm here???
Really? Seriously????
Any questions why I have dark & irrational thoughts?
51 & done...anyone?
Dramatic? Maybe, but I'm not someone who can live with this, like this, or be defined by this; and yet I am paralyzed. I feel I am between a tsunami & an avalanche.
Sucks.Huge.Ass.
